wrtign bleh

I am forming a theory...that I don't want to grant write anymore because I have been forcing myself to write so many pieces that I don't care about for the last 14 years. School has done this to me. I hate writing assignments that do not mean anything to me. Bleh. Can I be burnt out? Can I be finished for a while.

Perhaps after a time passes, I will want to pick up the pen again.

Truth is, I won't stop writing. I just don't want to write about topics and for purposes that mean nothing to me.

Irony? I had to write to say this.

Economics of the heart...

Does change inevitably mean a low tide of emotions? I woke up and discovered suddenly that I had made a life here in the Fort. I am pestered by my attachment to people and places.



I was in a hurry to decide and go, but now I find I will be carrying many things with me...even missings and rebuttles that will never now have a chance to be argued.

Opportunity cost is something my twelfth grade Economics teacher taught me. How did I know then that Economics of the heart would bring the lesson home?

"So they pulled their boats up on the shore..."

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him. (Luke5: 8-11)



The pastor had spoken about Jesus calling Peter from a livelihood of catching fish to a life of catching people. He emphasized that the remarkable portion of the passage was not simply that Peter's impression of Jesus as a wise Rabbi caused him to cast out to sea after an already long and fruitless night spent fishing. The remarkable part wasn't even that Peter and Jesus caught so many fish. Nor was it that Peter profoundly realized ("Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!") that Jesus was someone more than a wise Rabbi. No. The crashing epicenter of this story was the probable history from which Jesus redeemed Peter instantly.

He expounded further that Peter was probably in his early twenties when this exchange between he and Jesus took place, which means he had been out of Hebrew school since he was Bar-mitzvah'd at the age of twelve. Only the few, the proud, and the ingenious were chosen to continue past Hebrew school into a selective process that would eventually yield one or two young people to be the follower of a Rabbi. Peter, who had already spent years in a worthwhile trade was not exactly the type to be a Rabbi follower. Yet right then, Jesus picked Peter out, set him apart, and called him to be his follower, telling him, "From now on you will catch people."

I listened to that sermon closely and sensed a timely message hidden for me in the pastor's words. I thought, "I want so very badly to be a catcher of people," and then I heard it all so clearly in my heart.

"Noelle, put down your net. After all, you are a catcher of people."

Isn't it funny how much influence pastors have? Later that same Sunday, I ruminated more about the sermon and remembered something another pastor once told me. "Noelle, if they stick you in some corner and expect you to write for eight hours a day, you won't be happy. That would be the worst thing for you."

No cruel person intentionally stuck me in a corner and commanded me to write for the last seven months. I have been working for a wonderful company that is a key participant in bringing God's Kingdom to earth in the darkest parts of our world. I serve under leaders who have victoriously walked through the lowest of valleys over the last year, spending their every ounce of strength fighting to keep the ministry financially stable so that our English teachers can continue living as salt and light in Asia. However, as much as I personally am passionate about evangelism and discipleship in Asia, as much as I have the skill to write fundraising documents, and as much as I love new adventures, this first adventure into the working world has revealed a great deal about who God has created me to be.

I love people. I love the Church. I love the spirit-led influence pastors have on their flocks.

On Monday, May 18, 2009, I turned in my formal letter of resignation from my position of Advancement Grant Writer. After much prayer and seeking the Lord and the wise counsel of others around me, I have decided to return to Grand Junction in order to be closer to my core spiritual community, my family, my boyfriend...and hopefully to pursuing more closely my call. This is not as much of a total change of direction as much as it is a redirection to a more specific goal. What would this adventure have been worth unless it allowed God to refine me and the call He has for me?

The Lord has graciously already opened several opportunities for meaningful work, a possible living situation, and a chance to actively serve my local church body (yay!). Please pray that the Lord would clearly open the door to my next job. Ask that I would finish well at my current job. If you live in Grand Junction, start looking for me around the beginning of July! I am energized by the new possibilities.

Leaving Fort Collins will be bittersweet in many ways. I have met some wonderful people (hopefully you know who you are) with whom I hope to continue friendships long after I have returned to Grand Junction. I am grateful that someone took a chance by hiring a young kid to write fundraising proposals asking for millions of dollars from people she may never meet. I hope to continue maturing the skills I have in grant writing so that more of the world's money can be transferred into the Kingdom while taking a more active ministry role in my local community.

Fort Collins was a wonderful place to be, but my roots are not here...my roots are on a different shoreline and in a call to be a catcher of people in a different sea.

Post Script:
I want to give a special thank you for all your prayers over this last year of major personal transitions. From health issues to trying to answer the question "what should I do after college?" you each have been there right beside me in support and prayer. Your prayers have moved heaven on my behalf on many an occasion. My health continues to improve greatly. I even find that I am able to eat grains occasionally without terrible side effects. Many of my body aches and pains have subsided and I am able to ride my bike more than a couple miles without collapsing. I can now ride upwards of 12 miles. I am hiking and walking and running. All of this is a testimony to greatly increased energy and stamina through God's healing hand. The Lord has provided for me financially. I also am continuing to grow in my walk with the Lord, which is the ultimate blessing. I am so thankful for God's goodness and your faithfulness! May He continue to bring me to your mind and heart in my times of need. May He also continue to bring you to my mind and heart in your times of need.

Kite Flying

On Sunday, I went to the park just down the street from my house in Fort Collins to try out my new kite. The blue sky contrasted the golden-crunchy grass, and I knelt down to open up my kite case to start putting its seven-foot, rainbow-colored awesomeness together. Several attempts to catch the wind by letting the kite float lightly and take off running failed.

I heard someone about thirty yards away chuckle to a companion, "Failure to launch." I just ignored the comment and kept trying.

Another man walked by a few minutes later and said, "Any luck? Doesn't seem windy enough today."

The wind never did start to gust enough. I stuffed the kite back in its case and rewound the kite string. On Thursday of last week, I felt like a crashed kite missing the wind that usually pushes it higher. I returned home from almost two weeks of spending holidays with people that felt more like home to me than my new home in Fort Collins. A friend called this "re-entry shock" to normal, post-holiday life. Fort Collins does not quite feel like home yet. I know the wind will pick up again, but there will be days, even beautiful days spent in parks, when the wind just will not blow. So it goes.

As far as work goes, my boss's assistant was "let-go" last Friday. This is a difficult blow because she performs so many vital tasks. Many of her duties will fall to me in the coming weeks. We need to hire two on-site Advancement workers but they may not be hired for several months. Please pray that ELIC's Advancement department can continue to successfully bring in the necessary funds in light of economic and organizational deficits.

After the last update e-mail update, several of you asked how Chris and I are doing. He and I spent Christmas with his family in Kansas. I had a delightful time getting to know not only his parents but his extended family too. I must have met about forty people, including some of Chris's dearest high school/college buddies. It was wonderful to meet the people and see the places that shaped who Chris is today. We continue to see each other several times a month, both of us travelling back and forth over weekends.

Regarding my health, I broke the no sugar/no grains diet during the holiday season, but interestingly, did not feel awful. I think I am starting to see some healing and am once again returning to a more strict diet. I believe I will see permanent healing from God's hand and from faithfully following the diet.

For those of you that do pray for me, please continue to lift my health and my relationship up - great things are happening in both these areas of my life! At work, some days are harder than others. The leanness of my department at work provides a multitude of opportunities to learn problem solving skills and teamwork. Please pray for peace, cooperation, endurance, favor, and wisdom to flow through me.

As always, I love to hear how each of you are doing, even if I do not have the chance to respond immediately to your e-mails. I pray the Lord is showing you His design for the New Year!

Date Bars

There are many jokes to be made out of the phrase "date bars."

Ex1:
"I'm going home to make date bars tonight."
"You're going to what?
and
Ex2:
"I'm going home to make date bars tonight."
"You've been doing that a lot lately. It must be working out well for you."
and
Ex3:
"I'm going home to make date bars tonight."
"What? You're going to bars to find dates and make out?"

Those are just a few examples. I am sure you can only imagine the other possibilities. However, "I'm going home to make date bars" has fallen from my lips several times this last week, and today I succeeded. I love Larabars - an energy-type delicious bar wrapped in clever packaging - and every Larabar usually only has 2-5 ingredients. I decided I wanted to try my hand at making them when it became impossible for me to eat less than one a day.

So off I went to Wal-Mart to find dates, almonds, and coconut. Mmmm, coconut. Then, the experiments began. My friend Bethany suggested I boil the dates so as to make them a stickier binding agent. Then I chopped up the almonds and coconut in a food processor. I combined the boiled dates with the dry ingredients (including a dash of cinnamon) and food-processed it more.

I then tried several different baking methods at varying temperatures and times. I finally settled on the following method:

Grease cookie tray
Roll mixture into little balls
Place on try
Press flat with bottom of cup (to 1/2 inch thick or so)
Bake at 315 for 30 minutes
Eat

I am so excited that I unlocked the secret to my own Larabar version. In fact, I believe the Larabar company must dehydrate or otherwise slowly cook the bars because they do not have the baked texture, making my little cakes totally original.

I shall call them:

Noellabars

Ingredients: Dates, Almonds, Coconut, Cinammon, Elbow Grease, Ingenuity, Love

200 Calories of
non-gluten, anti-processed sugar, dairy-free, potato-free, corn/corn-syrup/other-corn-derivatives-free, legume-free
BLISS

Post Christmas Party Joy

I just had my first Christmas office party. It's so great to be part of an organization that celebrates the heart of Christmas. Further, I led us in singing two Christmas carols. How does it get any better than that? Five or six years ago, I wouldn't have imagined being able to play Christmas tunes on a piano let alone sing and play. It gives me such great joy each time I have the privilege to provide this service for people. It is one thing that makes my heart sing.

This week has been a bustle of activity for me since I realized the need to buy all my Christmas presents before I go home to GJ for the weekend. The coming weekend at home will be the last time I see certain friends and family until after Christmas and New Years. I hope to make this weekend as special as can be.

Now I should actually start working again. I just needed to express the joy of a day well-spent so far.

PS: Here is a picture I really like -

I keep imagining elements of the Christmas story in different ways this year. Like, what if the angels came to some Mongolian goatherders. The shepherds that first visited Jesus must have been really dirty and smelly from being out in the fields. Even baby Jesus - I often picture him with open eyes, looking angelic, and smiling up at the shepherds. Well, if they visited him right after his birth, he probably couldn't open his eyes yet. He couldn't hear the noises going on around him well. All Jesus could do a few weeks after his birth was sleep, eat, cry, and gurgle. Baby Jesus was totally helpless - born into a grimy barn to road-wearied parents. I love thinking about this.

Believe in Someone Today - You May Change a Life

I just checked my work e-mail. Lame. You know you are new in town when you don't have anything to do on a Wednesday night except watch "Pushing Daisies" on abc.com and take a few moments to edit a letter for a co-worker. Yep.

So to the news. I have a new job. I am the Advancement Writer for ELIC, a non-profit that sends English teachers to Asia. If you want more information than that, then you'll have to ask me in person. My job is kind of top secret...or on the dl...or must submit to the CG (correspondence guidelines) set forth by ELIC. Yep. We're not newsmakers, and we'd like to keep it that way.

The excitement I have for this job is truly true, however. If I could have written, directed, and cast my own first real job in the real big adult world, I would have been hard pressed to develop something as well-suited to my skills and interests as being the Advancement Writer for ELIC. It combines my people, writing, editing, and managing skills in one role. Plus, I get to be extremely nerdy about words and research.

Further, I have learned that most people are good at heart.

I pondered often when I was waiting to hear about this job, two months of pondering and waiting to hear, if I was qualified enough. I pondered how I performed at the initial interview. I also pondered if sending my new boss two personality profiles (I'm an S-I-C on the DISC test, btw), four more writing samples, calling, and several e-mails would be too much. After all, he did ask me to send him anything and call with thoughtful discussion questions regarding the job.

So I did. I pondered and I was over-actively persistent. My now-boss terms my obsessive persistence "showing initiative." After three and one-half days on the job, he asked me what I really thought. He wanted to know the "true dirt" I had told my good friends and mom up to that point - first impressions about the job and such. So I ever so delicately ventured,

"I feel like I have been lifted out of nothing and given something," heavily emphasizing the something in a positive manner.

And here is what he said,

"Sometimes we just need someone who will believe in us and give us a chance no one else will."

Then he back-peddled,

"I have full-confidence you can do this job well based upon your leadership skills, writing skills, people skills, and self-starting attitude, but not everyone would have given you this job."

Truth be told, the other person they considered strongly for the job of Advancement Writer had a journalism degree, one-year of teaching experience in Asia, grant-writing experience, and had actually published some writing. Me, with my English degree, no grant-writing experience, two months of teaching experience in Asia, and no published pieces, should have been an obvious "no."

But then there is grace. My boss's wife told me at the new office building dedication ceremony ELIC held last Thursday evening that there really was not any competition. Her husband preferred me from the start. Plus, she told him my writing was better.

I am not writing that to sound cheeky, but here are my take-aways (a business-y term I picked up this week, meaning most important ideas to put in your tool bag and utilize when most efficient):

1. First impressions count.

2. Persistence pays out.

3. Be hungry.

4. Show initiative.

5. Never give up in the face of giants.

6. Believe you are the best you that you can be.

7. Say yes when opportunity knocks.

8. Be ruthlessly honest.

9. Be yourself.

10. Don't be afraid to show some emotion during an interview.

11. Venturing out into the real world is fun.

12. Always be inspired by your close friends.

13. Know that love is a constant.

14. Fear not.

15. Embrace the new.

I dedicate this blog-entry to Carrington Schaeffer for always encouraging me to write. Thanks pal.

PS I have a boyfriend. More on that later, but for now, know that waiting two months to hear about this job just may have been perfect timing in more ways than one.