Angeles

The thing about moving to a new place is that no one knows you. Obvious right? Well, no one knows me in LA, and a funny emotion begins to arise whenever I think about that. So much of my identity is tied to information that other people present to me about myself.
Back home, for example, people I know usually demonstrate my huggability. Also, people usually say nice things to you when they know you, like, "You are talented at this and such," or, "I really like your hair." When you are in a new environment you don't hear those things in the same way. I mean by this that even if someone is saying them to you, that someone is new to me too, and I don't really know if they know me yet. So when I hear the old compliments out of new mouths, they don't carry the same weight. Rather, the same compliments out of new mouths hold a new weight, a precarious weight.
The weight is precarious because I have to decide to trust them or not. I have to decide who I really am again in a strange way. If I start to accept compliments and remarks about my character, habits, and talents here, then I will begin to represent those remarks and compliments, and incidentally, they may not be the same kind of remarks and compliments as the ones I am used to at home. Further, they may be the same, and I have to decide all over again if I really like that.
I stand on the precipice of change. I also stand simultaneously on the precipice of remaining the same. It's really exciting.
On another note for those of you reading this from back home, I love my school. I am making friends with a few really neat girls: Liz, Krysten, Melissa, and Chelsea. Chelsea is my roommate, and we couldn't be better suited to each other. I already admire my professors. It's so different to be in an environment where my passions and the passions of my professors run together in the same stream. Each class is an absolute joy, and my mind is full of explosions of new information that will forever change how I read, discuss, and write about Biblical literature. My coursework will all be very challenging but ultimately satisfying for what I will be learning and practicing.
Also, I need prayer for a few items:
1. A car
2. A stipend from my internship
3. Favor with President Dan
4. Vision
I am enjoying the process of re-self-discovery in my new environment. The food is good, and it's lunchtime right now. A college student has got to eat!

The Work Finished

In Progress

Here is a quick update picture of my mural in progress. The picture is on a 9'x7' canvas that will hang on the wall of a prayer room I am decorating. It's huge. And I love it. I am using ground vine charcoal as the base (over a gesso'd canvas) then lifting the charcoal using kneaded erasers. The image represents the burning coal which the seraphim used to purify Isaiah so that Isaiah would realize his unrighteousness, repent, and heed the call that God placed on his life to be a prophet to the nation of Israel. By the way, it's really hard to draw a convincing piece of burning coal...ironic since I am using coal to draw the thing anyway. More pictures of the finished product will be up by Saturday at the latest.

Slowly, Oh So Slowly

I have been to Honduras and back already. My good friend Carrie got married. Taylor, the eight year old I tutor, starts school on Monday, so our counting by twos and phonics lessons are over for now. This coming Sunday is the last Sunday I will lead worship at my church. And next Friday (August 24) is the day I unveil the art project of my summer - a prayer room I am decorating from wall to wall with curtains, a mural, and pleasant places to sit. Whew. Then I start packing. Yes, I am going to California after all. But before I tell you how it came about that I am going to the land of movies, vineyards, and tans, I would like to relay a few details about my missions trip to Honduras.

Apparently, the airport in Tegucigalpa, Honduras has the shortest and therefore one of the most dangerous landing strips in the world. Tegucigalpa is surrounded by mountains on all sides, so the pilot must be capable of flying the plane into what is essentially a little bowl by banking hard to the left, swooping low, and straightening the plane out quickly enough to land immediately. The plane I rode in touched down so softly that I applauded.
From Tegucigalpa, I and the team hopped into a bus the size of my 1989 Toyota Van (but with 15 seats to my 7) that puttered through a couple mountain passes until we reached our destination city: Comayagua. Picture any developing country (shacks, trash, random sewage in streets, countless bone-thin dogs, etc) and then add humidity, lush plants, and lots of narrow streets, and you'll have a sense of Comayagua. We spent a few hours at the Hotel Quan before heading out to a barrio church (poor church in a poor neighborhood). We began our week by singing songs in Spanish, watching geckos crawl on the walls during the sermon, and praying for the members of this small church. The rest of the week was spent passing out candy, making balloon animals, face-painting, and singing/dancing in various settings.
We worked mainly with three different organizations: Ruach International Christian Academy, Chosen Boys Orphanage, and the Jardin de los Ninos in the small town of San Antonio (just outside of Comayagua). Really, the goal of our trip was to encourage, pray for, and help the missionaries to whom we are already deeply connected and supportive. My favorite event involved a teacher's retreat that we helped sponsor and host. The retreat provided an entire weekend of spa-like treatment of the teachers from RICA. Those ladies and gentlemen pour themselves into their students but they have never been re-filled in return. I came to love the teachers at RICA. I hope to teach alongside them in the future.
When I returned from Honduras, my gut-reaction was to feel homesick for that great big elsewhere. The most invigorating part of the trip was the feeling I have of coming alive whenever I am on foreign soil. I like change and uncertainty because these two words swell with opportunity for personal growth, and walking foreign streets brings change and uncertainty with every step and breath. So I felt homesick for elsewhere. But then I started thinking again about all the here and now events...like whether I am going to LIFE Pacific College in a couple of weeks.
Since I sent in my application to LIFE, I made a commitment not to take out student loans to pay for my time there. Slowly, oh so slowly, scholarships have been accumulating, but before I went to Honduras, I still needed 1/3 of the total cost of education to miraculously show up. Well, I spent four days waiting and praying, nice and steady. I knew that if God wanted me to go to California by September 1st that He would provide 100%. On Thursday, three days after my return, I received a letter from the Christian Community Credit Union (read my scholarship essay below) awarding me a sizable scholarship. The following 36 hours continued to make my head spin. Three timely phone calls and one evening spent with friends ended with miraculous monetary tallies, so I am going to LIFE after all.
My going to LIFE is six years in the making. I am so excited.

If I Am a Vessel

The following is a scholarship essay I wrote to Christian Community Credit Union, which is right down the street from my college in California. I am posting this so that those reading my blog may pray with me that God will provide all of the money for school in California. Also, I think writing this essay was a helpful trip through time for me, reminding me of God's sovereignty and faithfulness.

The following testimonies tell the story of how my ministry giftings of friendship, joy, faithfulness, teaching, worship, and prayer have influenced the direction of my life by taking me from a place of simple moral living to a place of active ministry wherever I am. As UN Ambassador Dag Hammarskjöld wrote in his diary, “I am the vessel. The draught is God’s. And God is the thirsty one.” I like to think of my life, the sum of my talents, time, and resources, as a drink offering poured out for my Father in heaven. I know that God has called me into full-time ministry. For this reason, I am asking CCCU to assist me in receiving further training for my future of ministry by financially supporting my decision to attend LIFE Pacific Bible College this September. I hope that you, reader, will be blessed by a stirring of excitement in your spirit for how God is calling you and I to do spend our lives on bringing the peace, joy, and righteousness of the Kingdom to the earth.

The story of my first missions trip isn’t about how I fundraised throughout Spring in order to go to Costa Rica with Teen Mania over the Summer. Rather, my mother and I had planned to tour East Asia together since I was in the seventh grade. We embarked upon a 17-day blazing tour of China the summer before my senior year in high school. I did not set out for a real missions trip experience, but the missions part happened spontaneously. After a few days in China, I ended up on a boat on the Yangtze River for a five day cruise. I made my first Chinese friend on that boat ride; her English name was Shirley. For several hours each day, I told her about America, and she told me about tea. I told her about Jesus on the last day of the cruise and gave her my Bible. Shirley only sent me two e-mails after the trip before we lost touch, but I still pray that she kept my Bible and knows Jesus now.

I returned from China to finish my last year of high school with the hope of attending a LIFE Pacific Bible College to learn about being an English-teaching missionary to China, but the timing was not right for Bible college since I could not afford to go to school so far away from Colorado. I stayed in my home town and applied to the local college, and God blessed me with a full-ride scholarship. In 2004, I was abundantly blessed with a large amount of leftover, yes its true, scholarship money of which I had no need. I asked God how I should use it. The next day, I bumped into a friend that told me about a mission trip to East Asia that summer. Right then, God said “go.” I went to East Asia and spent two months teaching English and sharing the gospel through friendship evangelism. I feel as though the blessing of the decision to spend the money on missions, it’s all God’s anyway, is multiplying even now since I still receive e-mails from my students I taught that summer.

After the missions trip to East Asia, I continued my studies at Mesa State College. I am a strong student because I work hard and steward my time to reflect the value I place upon honoring God in everything I do. I graduated this Spring as a Summa Cum Laude with a degree BA in English Literature, a degree that can get me back to China to teach English, but I know that I learned more about how to use my talents right here and now. I maintain a strong bent towards overseas missions, a heart that loves people has no borders, but I have gained a vision for ministry right here in the United States. My generation has quickly slipped out of the minds and hands of the church today. I long to rejuvenate the Church for my generation and for God’s glory.

I feel I used the last four years at my public college to learn about living a missional lifestyle wherever I am. I have been involved in several fun campus ministries, but I found the most exciting witness happens spontaneously, like my first missions trip, while in the classroom, cafeteria, library, or while taking day-old pastries from my workplace and delivering them to my poor and hungry college friends. Attending a public college confronted me with the challenges of evangelizing in a secular environment and proved a difficult but wonderful training ground. I used my time on campus to be a student of the lost, learning how they view the world. Much of my learning took place in the college dorms.

Ironically, I never actually lived in the dorms, but my friends did. I spent almost as much time at the dorms as I did my own house. Campus Crusade would invade the dorms with a “trash” and “cookie” ministry once a month. We would knock on students’ doors and offer to take their trash out for them. Similarly we would knock on doors, pass out cookies, and invite the students to an outdoor event, usually something like paintball, capture the flag, or sledding. I enjoyed these times because we became servants to those in the dorms, but what I enjoyed most were the times I spent serving with my good friend Wendy.

Over the course of two years, Wendy was a Resident Assistant and a Resident Director. Both positions entailed looking after fellow dorm students, enforcing rules, and being a listening ear. I loved helping Wendy do her job. She and I would host tea parties and movie nights. A few times we went around cleaning residents’ bathrooms. And most often, Wendy and I would stay awake late into the night, walking the dorm halls and praying over each room. She fought on the front lines, and I was there beside her for those two years. Last summer, Wendy decided to leave Grand Junction to attend a Christian leadership training school called 24-7. I believe so much in the call God has placed on her life, so I did my best to help her fundraise for 24-7. I threw a two-day yard sale and was able to help raise over $500 for her. My relationship with Wendy is just one example of several meaningful relationships I built while in college. The way I used my time and talents during college to bless others was through building committed and healthy friendships. God is relational, and he works in community, in between brothers and sisters in Christ – we are the Church after all.

I live missionally in the world, but I also believe that the Church is still the Bride of Christ and therefore His number one partner in changing the world with the redemptive gospel message. I have spent many hours mentoring the youth of my church, praying, teaching, and participating on the worship team. Even this summer I am going with my church to Honduras to visit the orphanage and school we financially support. Once there I will teach crafts to the children, lead worship in Spanish and English, and help instruct a group of teachers in understanding the “Spirit-filled life” and the “prophetic.” I am excited about this opportunity to finally use all of the Spanish I studied in high school and college to teach and encourage my Honduran brothers and sisters in Christ.

This year the long story of my desire to be trained for ministry is coming full-circle. In March of 2006, I began asking God what I was to do after college. Three days later, I received an e-mail from LIFE Pacific Bible College that reopened my pursuit of formal ministry training. I stand firm in the belief that I should not take out loans to pay for this second round of college, but I know that God has called me to a time of ministry training at LIFE. Proverbs 22:7 says that the “borrower is slave to the lender.” I know debt limits my ability to follow God anywhere in ministry. I believe that a scholarship from CCCU will enable me to run towards the calling God has placed upon my life to minister through missions, worship, teaching, and prayer to the joy-less in the church community and in the world. I appreciate the scholarship committee’s consideration of my testimony. God is good. His will be done.

It's Summertime

I don’t know. Over the past two or three weeks I have not been able to make up my mind, but tonight I straightened my thoughts out enough to say, “I don’t know.” You see, I sent out a thank you letter to all of my friends and family that blessed me with a graduation card and/or gift. In the letter (you may view it below under “Upward and Onward”) I state that I feel confident that Life Bible College is the place for me in the fall.

I have been working full-time at Starbucks and doing multiple part-time jobs in order to save lots of money this summer. So far so good. Except, all the working and no sleeping I am doing is affecting my health. No, I am not hospital-sick, but I do need to rest which means not working as much which means less money which means more trust from me. I have to trust that if God wants me to be in California in the fall, He’s going to make it happen regardless of whether I clock 50 hours of work a week.

That being said, my brother and I had an amazing talk tonight within which we discussed the benefit of not setting your goals/plans too high. This sounds contrary and suspicious, doesn’t it? When I bother to make plans by saying:

“God, either I go to California”

or

“I stay in Grand Junction.”

The thing is, that limits God to two choices when neither might be the choice.

So I realized how limited my view is and how big God’s views are. I would prefer neither choice if God has something better. I can’t force California to happen. It’s time to rest a little. It’s summertime after all.

Shouldering My World

Last night I tried to clean out my closet. I never realized how many t-shirts hold sentimental value for me. I have so many homemade shirts from high school that I keep thinking my kids (you know, the ones I don't have yet) might get a kick out of wearing someday. Anyway, two bags later, my closet was a little emptier. My thoughts keep turning to California and Bible college. If my biggest problem is worrying about which clothes I can take and which clothes I must leave behind, then I am certainly faced with a weak middle class problem. And yet, for this weak sauce problem, I am deeply thankful.

On that note, my new "urban adventure" backpack arrived in the mail today. It's like a hiking pack but designed for airport travel (fewer straps) and hostel stays. It's bigger than I thought it would be, but it's also small in the sense that I will be trying to fit a week's worth of sunscreen, bug-spray, and clothes in it for my trip to Honduras with my church this summer. I am contemplating sending it back and getting the bigger 75 liter version. First, I will try to pack it with everything I think I will need for a one week trip and see how that goes because I know if I have the extra room I may use it for useless extras that probably do not need to make the thousands of miles trip to Honduras.