Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Angeles

The thing about moving to a new place is that no one knows you. Obvious right? Well, no one knows me in LA, and a funny emotion begins to arise whenever I think about that. So much of my identity is tied to information that other people present to me about myself.
Back home, for example, people I know usually demonstrate my huggability. Also, people usually say nice things to you when they know you, like, "You are talented at this and such," or, "I really like your hair." When you are in a new environment you don't hear those things in the same way. I mean by this that even if someone is saying them to you, that someone is new to me too, and I don't really know if they know me yet. So when I hear the old compliments out of new mouths, they don't carry the same weight. Rather, the same compliments out of new mouths hold a new weight, a precarious weight.
The weight is precarious because I have to decide to trust them or not. I have to decide who I really am again in a strange way. If I start to accept compliments and remarks about my character, habits, and talents here, then I will begin to represent those remarks and compliments, and incidentally, they may not be the same kind of remarks and compliments as the ones I am used to at home. Further, they may be the same, and I have to decide all over again if I really like that.
I stand on the precipice of change. I also stand simultaneously on the precipice of remaining the same. It's really exciting.
On another note for those of you reading this from back home, I love my school. I am making friends with a few really neat girls: Liz, Krysten, Melissa, and Chelsea. Chelsea is my roommate, and we couldn't be better suited to each other. I already admire my professors. It's so different to be in an environment where my passions and the passions of my professors run together in the same stream. Each class is an absolute joy, and my mind is full of explosions of new information that will forever change how I read, discuss, and write about Biblical literature. My coursework will all be very challenging but ultimately satisfying for what I will be learning and practicing.
Also, I need prayer for a few items:
1. A car
2. A stipend from my internship
3. Favor with President Dan
4. Vision
I am enjoying the process of re-self-discovery in my new environment. The food is good, and it's lunchtime right now. A college student has got to eat!

2 comments:

Wendy said...

We love you so much and are glad your doing so well. Miss you lots and lots

the love song of carrington schaeffer said...

k, time for a new blog!!!

(miss you.)