On Monday, one of my professors said something very frank to me. She said that she would not take me out on the field right now if she were my team leader because of how tired I am. Wow. That hit me like a load of bricks - a pleasant load of bricks in the shape of hearts. She noticed acutely that I am on my way to being a "ministry casualty." The Lord has been telling me all year to rest. I must humbly admit that I do not know how to rest. I have tried to rest, but resting is so foreign to me that I have pretty much failed at it. But God is gracious. He is giving me the opportunity to respond to Him and use wisdom. Learning to rest is perhaps one of the greatest challenges culturally for Americans and especially for those within service-oriented occupations such as pastoring. If I do not learn how to rest and care for myself now, I will probably never have such a gracious window of time as the coming summer.
I am now flying home May 29th, in time for my cousin Andrew's wedding. I have not seen all of my cousins all-together for almost eleven years, which is almost criminal! Then I plan to seek the Lord in deep rest for the remainder of my summer. I know I am not supposed to work, and God has even told me not to stress out looking and applying for scholarships for school next year. His mandate is simply difficult: rest!!!
I will still be leaving for
There is still a need for prayer and financial support, but both are being modified to fit this new situation. Even though I will be at home for most of the summer, I still need prayer covering for that time...that it would indeed be a time of rest, healing (I really need my tonsils to heal because they are swollen, and I do not want to have tonsil surgery), and spiritual-strengthening. I believe my swollen tonsils are connected more to being exhausted and to the spiritual bondage I am trying to walk out of - it is truly a fight for me to rest. Please pray also that my time would be protected from anything and anyone that would take away from my rest for the next three months. It might sound strange for an almost 23 year-old to be burnt out, but that indicates just how busy and stressful my life has been for a number years.
Let me know if you have any insight for me in the area of resting. I hope this answers any questions you may have due to all the changes in my plans. I would love to hear from you!